my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
