I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
