Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
