Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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