My friends, they love my intelligence
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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