you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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