so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
