You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
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last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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