and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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