My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
