so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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