I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
