all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
