There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
