I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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