My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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