I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
