Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think my fart just growled at me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
