I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
