i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
