I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
