this beer tastes like vomit already
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
