I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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