a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
