I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
