I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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