Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
