if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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