I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
