She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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