They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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