I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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