i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
