fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
