I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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