Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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