Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
