the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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