That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm passing your future prison.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
