i don't like sucking hair
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
