She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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