how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
