is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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