Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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