So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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