i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
