I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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