Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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