When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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