woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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