Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
