you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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