she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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