I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
