Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
