My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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