Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
