Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
