He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
