Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
even my farts smell like vagina
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
