I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
