I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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