I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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