I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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