I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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