Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hippo gnu deer
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
