So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
