if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
