It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How does it feel to date your dad?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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