did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Two words: nipple clamps
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