i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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