i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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