I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
